(The following article should be taken with a pinch of salt. Or a bowlful of chakna. That’s all you get today anyway).
Happy Republic Day fellow Indians! While we are all glad about this celebration of patriotism (and a mid-week holiday), our livers get an undesirable break.
We tried to find out why certain days are celebrated as dry days in India, but found no credible info. So we’ve come up with our own list of reasons as to why our arteries are blessed with this unwanted flow of pure blood today:
Ask anybody why the Gujarat model has been projected to India for a day, and they’ll give you this name. Just that. So the Father of our Nation was a vocal advocate of prohibition. And he is the ex officio guest of honour everywhere from the R-Day Parade to my nephew’s naamkaran. Hence, abstinence.
2. Our politicians pull enough shenanigans sober
You can keep asking Pappu what he smokes up before every speech, or what specially enhanced cough syrup Kejriwal consumes on an hourly basis. All I know is that I’d like to stay away from it.
3. Because you need to stand still during the National Anthem.
If you’re drunk enough at the cinema hall today, you might not feel anything then, but the thrashing you receive WILL hurt tomorrow.
4. So you don’t choose the ‘Hand’ when you’re aiming for the ‘Lotus’
This is for Election days. You can obviously bring out the stash your local leader gifted you after the votes are cast!
5. On that note…
If you puny people buy up everything, there’ll be a shortage for political parties to bestow over their (potential) voters. The poor folks had to dispose of their 500s and 1000s. Why do you want to hurt them more? WHY?
6. So that there are lesser drunken mistakes
AKA these legends.
Can you think of better reasons? Let us know!
Title image: pirates