In case you haven’t heard, BJP President Amit Shah declared in an interview that the BJP would establish an “Anti-Romeo” squad to protect young girls and women in Uttar Pradesh if it comes into power. Now someone needs to inform Mr Shah that people these days are beset by greater problems than his imaginary issues *cough* love jihad.
Here are some ‘squads’ we feel should be higher up on the government’s priority list, as far as governing (read: snooping into) people’s lives goes:
1. Anti Gutkha Squad
And that, sir, you can start with your UP win.
2. Anti Locked Toilets Squad
Women should be seen and not heard, they say. The same rule of invisibility and unusability applies to their toilets.
3. Anti High-Beam Squad
I’d get down from my vehicle and teach these stooges a lesson, if only my retinas weren’t being fried in the light!
4. Anti Pricey Popcorn Squad
Even if the late lamented MJ were to moonwalk to my seat and lean 45 degrees to serve me popcorn, that exorbitant price in multiplexes won’t be justified. Whither achchhe din??
5. Anti Baraat Squad
Seriously, this needs to stop. Because the tired woman in her car (which your baraat has blocked) doesn’t care if you get 15 people to hold those terrible gaslights or 55. You’re an ass either way.
6. Anti WhatsApp Forwards Squad
Today I learnt, thanks to Indore wale mausaji, that a mocktail of jasmine flowers and goat milk prepared and consumed on a full moon night is a scientifically approved remedy for cancer. We can expect the call from the Nobel Committee anytime now.
7. Anti Shitty Movie Squad
That's how we feel after every movie too, Bhai. (And if you say “that’s the Censor Board”, could I see you outside for a minute?)
And, if in all this, there is some time for real, productive work, let the police go after my stalkers, not my boyfriend.
Title image: wsj