While saying the F word is now considered cool, Indian youth still fears the S word! That’s for Shaadi and the stakes rise higher if it’s an arranged marriage. With the dawn of a new age where patriarchy is out of the picture, landscape for Indian marriages has changed too where a lot should be kept in mind while entering into this lifetime commitment. With jobs to handle and movies like Ki and Ka screwing with our heads, here are some things that girls must adhere to before they decide to enter an arranged wedlock!
1. Age may not be just a number
Nowadays girls like and share the quote that “Age is just a number” and “Marry not at 25 but when you are ready rather only when you want to” which is pretty okay but if you decide to get married set your goals straight. Set an age!
2. Do away with preconceived notions
The new generation has qualms about relationships, commitments and break ups. Also they rate everything according to the weddings in the family and sometimes watching dreamy shows and movies. Do not do this!
3. Get to know him well
It’s not just that first meet which will tell you everything. Give it a proper time, get to know him completely. Not just likes, dislikes and basic nature, for a person is always much more than that.
4. Watch your expectations
We do have some prerequisites about our partners, but looks should be the least of your priorities because marriages are hopefully forever and looks hardly matter in the long run.
5. Consider parents and in laws
When you talk about an arranged marriage, it is not two people marrying but the hoopla involving two families as well. Culturally, economically and thought-wise they should be on the same page and both should be vocal about their expectations and needs. You, as a responsible adult, should initiate dialogue if things go amiss.
6. Equal equal!
In this new age of equal equal, you and your partner should be economically compatible as well because it holds a lot of importance when you plan your lives together.
7. Get past your past
Marriages are made on the basis of honesty and trust and it is alright to have a past. But you should be very honest about it right from the beginning. Own up to everything that has been part of your life and also make sure you know the same about your guy so that the ghosts from the past may never haunt your marriage.
8. Remove your mask if any
Do not pretend to be a good version of yourself. If you want a long lasting happy marriage, the first step towards it will be that you be yourself. What you wear, what you eat, what you feel, what you say should be totally transparent and known.
9. Be open and ask
There is no harm in asking questions. Without being blatant about it, ask the prospective groom his ideas about family, children and life in the future. See if your ideologies match and even if they don’t, are you ready to compromise on some parts.
10. Discuss cooking and chores
If you are a working person and want to continue your job after getting married, be practical and discuss roles each of you will play in your household right from cooking to paying bills to looking after your home.
11. Family issues
Once you have a good rapport with your expecting groom, talk about expecting. Pregnancy. Depending upon whether you plan to be a working mother or a full time homemaker, make things clear right at the start to avoid conflicts later.
12. Daughter once, daughter always
Gone are the days when Ladki was Paraya Dhan. Now-a-days it is, like son, like daughter. Taking care of his parents and taking care of your parents should be a shared affair amongst two individuals and the two set of parents.
13. Sharing is caring?
Sharing responsibilities towards your family and home is not enough. Marriage makes soul mates only when they are best friends and can share their joys, sorrows and life with each other. You don’t become best friends in six months but you can always see where it’s headed.
14. Seek advice
In case you’re in two minds or a little scared to take this huge life altering decision, there is no harm in taking some advice from trusted sources who you think know you better than you know yourself.
15. Mr Right?
It may sound filmy, but it’s your heart that must give you that approving nod at last which must be the ultimate sign to say yes, because only your heart can find you your Mr Right!
Time for some thinking girls!
Title image: cloudpix